Grady Russell

“Christmas Eve Gift.”
My phone is ringing. It’s 6:44 in the morning. Who would call this early on Christmas Eve? It’s my 84-year-old mother-in-law Doris. I am still in the fog of early morning. I am not a morning person. She is. She is enjoying a bountiful white Christmas in the suburbs of DC. She has the added benefit of being in a time zone that is one hour ahead of mine. I give a weak “hello.” She offers a strangely excited question, “Grady?” “Hi, Mom.” The fog in my head is beginning to lift. Then she utters the words. The phrase that that I have heard every Christmas Eve for at least 35 years. “Christmas” Oh no! “Eve” My brain recognizes the assault and dispatches the correct response through the lingering cobwebs of my dreams. Before my mouth even begins to form the first syllable the last word registers in my cerebral synapses – “gift!” Having heard the phrase I have no choice but to admit defeat and declare her the victor. Doris wins another annual competition.

It’s a game she has played all of her life. In fact, my personal research indicates that this is a game that has been going on in families in the South for 200 years or more.

The first one to say “Christmas Eve gift” on Christmas Eve gets a gift. The one hearing the phrase has to give the gift.

The gift does not have to be fancy or expensive. It could be as little as a couple of cookies, a piece of fruit or a handful of nuts. Most often the recognition that she was the first with the phrase is sufficient. I offer to buy her lunch when she returns. She accepts. Game over.

In 35 years I have managed to defeat her only once. Now I am fully awake. My mind rehearses the events of the past few days. In the same way that a coach accepts responsibility for his team’s loss, I accept responsibility for this year’s resounding defeat. It is my fault after all. When we dropped her at the airport a few days ago I threw down the gauntlet. I told her I would to be the first this year to say “Christmas Eve gift.” I should have known better. This is a game of stealth. Never advertise your strategy to your opponent – especially one as skilled as Doris.

I cannot defeat her again until next year. But I can get you. So, “Christmas Eve gift!” Ah. Satisfaction. Merry Christmas, my friends!